Valentine's Day jokes for adults
Cheeky, not crude. Good for a card, a text or the office.
One liners. 9 to copy.
One liners
Valentine's Day is just Halloween for people who prefer heart shaped candy.
One liners
My idea of a romantic evening is both of us agreeing on what to watch in under an hour.
One liners
Roses are red, my bank account's blue, I spent it all on dinner for two.
One liners
Love is sharing your fries without being asked. True love is not counting how many they took.
One liners
Valentine's Day is the only day a bear holding a heart is a normal gift for a grown adult.
One liners
Cupid is a toddler in a diaper with a weapon, and we trust him with our love lives.
One liners
Nothing says romance like setting a phone reminder so you don't forget to be romantic.
One liners
I'm not cheap, but my Valentine is getting a very sincere card from the gas station.
One liners
A candlelit dinner is just a regular dinner where you can't see what you're eating.
Relationship jokes. 9 to copy.
Relationship jokes
We've been together so long that our idea of a wild night is staying up past ten.
Relationship jokes
My partner and I have a deal. I pick the restaurant, then they reject it.
Relationship jokes
Marriage is mostly asking "What do you want for dinner?" until one of you gives up.
Relationship jokes
Love is when they steal the blanket and you let it slide. Mostly.
Relationship jokes
My husband asked what I wanted for Valentine's Day. I said nothing. He believed me.
Relationship jokes
My wife said she wanted something that sparkles. So I cleaned the kitchen.
Relationship jokes
We're at the stage where flirting is asking "Did you take the trash out?" in a nice voice.
Relationship jokes
The secret to a long, happy relationship is two bathrooms.
Relationship jokes
Romance isn't dead. It's just tired and in bed by nine.
Single life. 9 to copy.
Single life
Valentine's Day plans: me, a large pizza and zero people asking for a slice.
Single life
I'm not single. I'm in a long term relationship with my couch.
Single life
Being single on Valentine's Day means the whole box of chocolate is mine.
Single life
My date canceled, so I took myself out. Great company. Laughed at all my jokes.
Single life
I'm still waiting for Cupid. I think he's stuck in traffic.
Single life
Single people don't celebrate Valentine's Day. We celebrate Discount Chocolate Day on the 15th.
Single life
My mom asked if I have a Valentine. I said yes, his name is Takeout.
Single life
Cupid hit me once. Turned out it was just heartburn.
Single life
No Valentine this year, but my houseplants still need me.
Puns. 8 to copy.
Puns
I wanted to make a joke about chocolate, but it's too rich.
Puns
My Valentine is an electrician. Sparks fly every time.
Puns
I dated a gardener once. It never grew into anything serious.
Puns
A dentist's Valentine always comes with a little extra filling.
Puns
My Valentine works at the bank. I've never felt so much interest.
Puns
Cheesy pickup lines are the best. They brie-ng people together.
Puns
My partner is a yoga teacher. Our love is a real stretch.
Puns
Florists have great love lives. Things always come up roses.
Jokes for work. 7 to copy.
Jokes for work
My work Valentine is the coffee machine. It's always there for me in the morning.
Jokes for work
Love is in the air at the office. So is someone's microwaved fish.
Jokes for work
My boss said we need more passion at work, so I put a heart on my spreadsheet.
Jokes for work
The only thing I'm fully committed to at work is lunch at noon.
Jokes for work
Valentine's Day at the office is when the donut box finally has sprinkles.
Jokes for work
I'd ask the office printer to be my Valentine, but it never works out.
Jokes for work
Roses are red, the coffee is weak, see you at the same meeting we had last week.
More to read. Messages and cards for everyone.
12 gift ideas
Valentine week
Like rose bouquet, promise ring, chocolate box.
See all12 date ideas
Date ideas
Like cook dinner together, movie night, indoor picnic.
See all12 nail ideas
Nails
Like heart press on nails, red french tips, simple pink nails.
See all12 outfit ideas
Women's outfits
Like red dress, pink sweater, red cardigan.
See all10 outfit ideas
Men's outfits
Like crisp dress shirt, navy blazer, dark wash jeans.
See all12 outfit ideas
Kids outfits
Like valentine shirt for boys, valentine dress for girls, toddler boy valentine tee.
See all40 jokes
Kids jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? Heart. Heart who? Heart to believe it's Valentine's Day already!
See all
Questions. Quick answers.
What are some funny Valentine jokes for adults?
Jokes about long relationships, dating and being single land best with adults. Light teasing about takeout, blankets and chocolate sales works for most crowds.
What are good Valentine's jokes for adults one liners?
Short jokes that fit in a text or card, like the one liners above. Pick one that fits the person, such as a relationship joke for your partner or a single life joke for a friend.
Are these Valentine jokes clean enough for work?
Yes. Everything here is cheeky but clean. The jokes for work section is the safest pick for an office card, a team chat or a short Valentine's Day post.